Why Everyone Should Give Me A Dollar

It is in your own best interests for everyone to give me a dollar.  “What!”, you say, “How does that work?!”  Simple.  Here’s the rationale.

I am sometimes in a bad mood for the following reasons:  I am too busy, I am too tired, I am worried about money. These all prevent me from being the awesome person that I’m sure I was created to be.  So….follow me here….by each giving me the paltry sum of $1, you clear up all these difficulties for me.

I won’t tailgate you in traffic.  After all, I’m not in a hurry!  I won’t be late to events because of car troubles because I’ll have enough money to buy nice cars.  I’ll even consider giving your children rides to events!  Need a classroom mom or chaperone?  I’m it!

My release from work hours means I’ll shop at the grocery store during mid-morning, which also means I will NOT be part of the endless line at 5:30, which will get you home a little faster.  I will not be part of the long line of cars waiting at the light; in fact, I pledge to never ever drive anywhere from 4:45 until 6 at night, just to show my appreciation to the rest of you.

I even pledge to never use the express lane ANYWHERE, even for 1 item, because I’ll have plenty of time.  I’ll have plenty of cash so you won’t have to wait for me to use the card reader (although truthfully, counting out those $1 bills may take a little time).

I’ll go to the vet/get my hair cut/take my kids to the orthodontist/have my oil changed/pick up toilet paper at Wal-Mart/go out to eat at non-prime times, thus freeing up more room for the rest of you hard-working folks.

And just consider the general improvements in the environment around me:  I’ll be smiling and pleasant, which will cause an improvement in my near neighbors, causing them to smile at THEIR neighbors, which will spread like wildfire, resulting in a noticeable uptick in American attitudes.  It’s distinctly possible that this would greatly help the economic situation by increasing optimism which would probably lead directly to greater spending, charitable giving, and hiring.  Can’t you just picture it?

Take a step to be a part of the solution.  Just $1 on your part, directed wisely in my direction, can start a new day in America.  Cash only, please.  Thanks in advance.

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